sweet sundays: confession is good for the soul

Sometimes I am embarrassed to say or do things because they aren't popular or aren't the most positive. No more. Life is too short to waste it being insincere. I don't mean you should be rude. Never. I just mean, you have to be true to yourself. I think Oprah says something like that. Live your own truth.

Some of my confessions? Read at your own risk.

1. Blood is not always thicker than water. I don't care what your chemistry teacher said. I've experienced it, so I know it. Sometimes people related to you can be the most poisonous. Give them wide berth.

2. Being cool among "friends" is overrated. I have always been the old fogie among my friends. I relish that. Boring to you, yes, but interesting to someone else. Be you. It is essential.

3. Know-it-alls irritate me. If everything you say and believe is correct, go write a book. I love a good debate or conversation but I don't want to be lectured. I already get that at school.

4. Everyone isn't perfect. I sometimes have too many expectations of people & myself. I have my faults: miserable, opinionated, and sensitive, yes. But I'm also friendly, honest, and kind. Give yourself and everyone else a break, Shumpy!

5. I laugh at people (& often these are inappropriate times to laugh). Yes. Especially when they've been mean and karma is biting back. Or even if they are just having a bad time at it LOL. I don't laugh at kids. Well, to their faces.

6. I abhor weirdness and weird people to the point that I don't care if I'm rude, I don't want to talk to you, see you, or be near you if you're weird. Yup, it is the plague.

7. I love the handful of friends I have like they were sisters of my own heart. Sometimes I downplay the depth of our friendship but that's me being stupid (insert miserable Shumpy here) and fearful of being hurt (insert sensitive Shumpy here). I value them and love them dearly. The handful of them. I've been blessed.

8. I give off the impression that I'm a cool, calm, and collected gal but I'm quite emotional and can be touchy (ask those who've lived with me for any period in time). I also have a stunted range of emotions. Very limited. If you step on the wrong toe, one of three things will occur: cold silence, anger, or tears. Take your pick.

9. People who feel entitled. Not entitled to fair and decent treatment. Entitled to other people kissing their arse and bending over backwards for them. Ewww. No. Me no likey. Those people can take their entitlement and stuff it.

10. I hate bubble busters. Dream killers. This world is dark enough without them. They start talking and I tune out. I belong to team YES I CAN. If you have heart, will power, and God. Yes, you can!

& bonus: I watch to stupidest, most brainless crap on TV sometimes. It's a wonder I have any brain cells left (think Bridezillas (WE TV), Cut Off (VH1) and Real Housewives (BRAVO)).

Feel much lighter now. Wonder if that'll translate into pounds for my summer challenge....your turn to unload!

*Now that you know me (& that I may at one point have laughed at you as you tripped or wobbled in the heels you know weren't made for walking hahaha), you can choose to hang around on polkadots at your own risk ;)

sweet sundays: the path less taken

Sometimes our baser human instincts take over in emotional situations and we react poorly. I hate when I overreact and have to backtrack, and apologize or I feel bad like if I saw the person at church or work or they turned out to be a family friend I'd be embarrassed. I'd much rather do it right the first time but since I'm not perfect, that does not always happen. When it does, I feel so much better about myself. There's an important lesson in knowing we don't have to be rude or crass to stand up for ourselves.

Something that happened last week reminded me of this. It's a Raf story. He doesn't want his pics on here but at least I can blog about him lol. For months he'd trained with this company for a position that he's wanted for sometime now. Finally, the training was completed and he began to work with the company. At the outset he explained that although he is willing to come in on Sundays, he would not be avail to work every Sunday. This is totally fair since he works Mondays-Fridays. In addition, it isn't required to come in on Sundays. However, one of the supervisors (a particularly rude one too that consistently gives employees grief) decided that he'd disregard that and every Sunday, he calls Raf. Oh, and even though Raf's requested less work on Sunday so he can get home at a decent time, he's been working past sunset on Sundays, then heading in early the next morn. Last Sunday, Raf decides he isn't going in. He's had a number of 6 day work-weeks in a row and needs a break. So as a courtesy (not required) he calls on Friday to inform them he's not available on Sunday. The particularly rude supervisor passes the phone to a colleague because how dare Raf not come in on Sunday when there's work to be done? The colleague is pleading for Raf come in but Raf can hear the other supervisor in the back ground complaining in a very argumentative manner that he MUST come in, he HAS to come in. Threatening, yes? I think so too.

Now, do I need to tell you about Caribbean males? Let me not stereotype widely. Jamaican men are VERY proud, and they don't take being disregarded or disrespected lightly. It would not be a stretch for Raf to put him in his place. Trust me. He can be rough...well, used to be. But he wasn't and I am so proud of him. What he did was drop off the equipment and company vehicle, call the administrator, and respectfully leave the position (she didn't want him to go but he explained the situation completely). Come Monday, he is being called repeatedly by said supervisor. When he finally speaks to him, supervisor apologetically asks him what happened and if there's anything they can do (yeaaa, act like you don't know). When Raf says no because he can't seem to have a decent conversation without being talked down to (even tho Raf's complained of this before). Supervisor's like "you know you can talk to me" and basically begs him to come back in so they can work out any differences amicably and with respect. So, Raf is back on the job. Supervisor is now mindful of his manner when dealing with Raf (if not other employees - can't expect too much now). & as usual Raf has a 100% IVR (ranking/rating system). Go babes!

Sometimes, people make it so hard for us to exhibit character traits that are attractive. They just push us to respond with our baser instincts. But thank God, sometimes, we hold on to our temper and take the higher road.

Be gone bad-man-isms! Be gone probably-you-neva-heard-a-mi!

I say choose the path less taken this week & the rest of your life...sometimes the results may not be desirable but if you walk away with your character intact, then what did you lose? Nada :) You in fact gained a world of dignity, self respect, and the admiration of those around you.

sweet sundays: no more negative Nellie

No matter how positive I am most times, it's funny how I can be the hardest and most negative about the people closest to me. I think sometimes we judge our parents, partners, children, and even ourselves too harshly. Yes, there are things we all need to work on but come on, most of us are pretty good people.

I sat down 2 weeks ago reading a blog written by a single lady immediately proceeding her divorce and as I read the piece I realized I never had to give up any dream when I married. Yes, there is compromise and I'm no professional married person (only 3 years in) but I think I've had my fair share of marital woes. However, this should never prevent me from seeing the great things about my spouse. As a seemingly professional student, I can say I've never been discouraged from pursuing whichever academic program was in my sights. I can just imagine how at odds that would be with my viewpoint on the importance of education. I'm still getting my potential successfulness on :) Also, I attend a seventh-day adventist church and have all my life. However, I'm not a traditional seventh-day adventist...I actually consider myself a plain ole Christian (trust me, this is revolutionary to some in my church). Nothing more. I'm a follower of Christ. I'm sure there are a lot of SDAs who would look at my nail polish and pierced ears askance. Further, some of my eating choices leave plenty to be desired in terms of SDA eating standards. Trust me, a traditional SDA Christian couldn't live with me, lol, but thank goodness he never tries to discourage me and allows me to express my spirituality in a way that is true to me.

Do you miss the brightness in life by allowing the negative and trouble spots to cloud your vision? Make an effort this week to think of the good and positive in those around you. It will increase your appreciation for those around you and brighten your week. It may not be easy but you won't regret it!

Next step? Learning to forgive those who hurt us...but small steps, people, small steps.

Let it go

Most of us have difficulty admitting true feelings, and expressing them to ourselves and to others. We hide our true feelings - sadness, anger, hurt, resentment - by joking, being snobbish, or introverted, or even just ignoring them. Although the defense may be successful at masking the emotions, the hurt and anger remains. Hiding our true feelings and emotions give them power. They are roadblocks to our true joy.

I encourage us all to deal with our feelings and not just lay them aside...talk it out, meditate, pray, read an inspirational text, exercise. The solution depends on the depth and degree of the feelings, of course but whatever you do, deal with them. It is good to get rid of negative feelings that crowd your heart and mind. Fill that space with solutions, lessons, and positive behavior and attitudes. I feel there are too many external stressors in this world - work, finance, school, car, house, etc - for us not to have inner peace, and develop healthy mechanisms to cope.

Life is too lonely in a box with all that negative around you. Get rid of it and open up with a smile!

Music suggestion: Positive Vibration, Bob Marley

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"Say you just can't live that negative way...make way for the positive day."

Bob Marley

no phone zones

I saw Oprah's show and was converted.

Too many people are dying on the road from distractions. The worst of it are the children :(

It is not only the phone of course, it's also make up, and other distractions. You know what yours are and I know what mine are. I definitely am (but now it's a "was") guilty of texting and speaking on my cell while driving with no hands free. No more. I need to get a bluetooth so I can have a conversation if necessary.

TEXTING NO MORE!

Here's a linky to the Oprah site on this

Acceptance...

Getting it from others, and giving it to people are both very difficult. But guess what is rewarding though? Coming to the realization that those who love and care for you, will always support and offer a sense of acceptance.

My wedding day. This is my Auntie Marcia giving me a huge hug. I kinda jumped into her arms when I saw her show up at the door of the hotel room I was getting dressed in. This was my first teary eyed moment that day. Why? Because I could feel the love, strength, & support pouring from her to me. She loved me, wished me the best, and every happiness. Even today, loving words of advice still pour out from her.

I had to learn to live without acceptance from certain persons in my life because it was too exhausting to keep vying for it. Trying to do things, say things, eat things, wear things, be places, and stress over things because so-and-so doesn’t like this, or this person isn’t talking to that person, or "I did it for you, so now you should do it for me." I had to let it all go. I am glad who I am, is good enough for those who love me. I mean, people do disappoint from time to time. It is the nature of the process. I am sure I have disappointed people, and sometimes people disappoint me. But there's this thing called forgiveness - you gotta give it to receive it!

I am not saying I don't care what others think or that you can't have an opinion on something going on in someone's life, especially someone you love. What I am saying is that you (or I) shouldn't be thinking about someone else's life so deeply that there is a need to provide constant commentary or criticism. It is in poor taste and it is hurtful. What I am saying is I try my best not to spend time constantly evaluating my friends' and family's decisions and actions to see if they meet my level of approval. Of course, I have my standards. I would never knowingly have friendships or be close with people who were criminals, unethical, deceptive, malicious, or dangerously selfish. In addition, I would never sit aside and see a friend or family hurt physically or emotionally, or in a bad situation, and keep it shut. That's for wimps. But I have stopped trying to place Shumpy’s Stamp of Approval on anyone. My opinions remain my opinions, and they are how I live my life, but they don’t have to be my friend’s or family’s opinion. I have come to learn that being a great friend involves not being selfish or demanding. I have to allow people to give and not force it from them. Ever since I realized that, I have released myself from the pressure of doing things to please people and having out of proportion expectations from those in my life.

My aim in life is to be true to myself while taking care not to injure those around me. Being the true you should never become hurtful, poisonous, or isolating. It should be something others admire.

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"Real strength is a decision and can be found within each of us. It is our opportunity to awaken our inner strength and live the life we desire; to create, explore, and accomplish the things we hold dear. It takes strength to be in a loving relationship, raise a family, be yourself, and allow others to be themselves."
Anon.

“When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.”
Peace Pilgrim

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so gentle as real strength."
Frances De Sales

"one one coco full basket!"

translation: do not expect success overnight, take it slowly

Just a pleasant reminder to me (and you!) that we don't have to gain success or achieve all our dreams right now. Yes, sometimes it doesn't even look like we're even close to getting there but we have to keep at it.

Maybe you're having difficulty completing a task, maybe you haven't even started on the journey to where you want to be, or maybe you don't even know where you're going. Be encouraged that every bit of effort you can make towards achieving that end is valuable. Even if it seems fruitless or unrewarding. All your answers and/or rewards may not come at once, but work hard and dedication will get you all that you are deserving of!

people

This is fun irony my friend, K shared with me this morning.

She's been in a medical rotation in Hyannis Port, MA for the past 3 months and throughout she's told me little stories of these 3 ladies (a.k.a. the 3 musketeers) that are what we Jamaicans call extra. They volunteer to do everything, even things that don't need to be done. They basically won't give residents, attendings, or the program directors air to breathe, jumping at every single task as if they are more dedicated than their counterparts. Well, after all this stellar behavior and air of excellence, you'd think they'd leave the rotation (which ended on Fri) with glowing reviews *tsk tsk* NOPE.

Why did 2 or 3 of the group steal the toilet paper from the hospital (or maybe just their section or floor) on the last day of rotations? SERIOUSLY? Why on earth would you do that? Well, the great part is they were caught (dwl) and now the rotation director has demanded that they return the stolen property. So, one or all of them need to haul ass back to Massachusetts to return stolen toilet paper. How embarrassing but totally satisfying??

woiiiiiiiiiiiiii

All that faking for nothin' at the end of the day.

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"The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere"
Anne Morrow Lindbergh

being comfortable in my skin

Def a favored life lesson (also very useful one).

This has been one of my harder life lessons but one of the most valuable ones.

I am not perfect (go figure!) and sadly one of my imperfections is that I am by nature a reactionary individual. Add to the pot that I am very sensitive. So this has resulted in me being kind of a push over, caring a little too much what people think and say, and getting offended way more than necessary.

Thankfully, as I have gotten older, I have realized more and more that I don't have to be anyone, or do anything outside of what makes me proud to be Shar. What represents me. If I don't want to do something, I can say no. If I don't agree, I can say so. Who cares what the grain is? I am the one responsible for what I do and say. Who cares if I'm not cool? I am representing me and my name. I am learning not to have an opinion of how people should live their lives (notable exceptions being my siblings and future children) because no one can dictate to me how to live my life. I just try to live my life as honorably as I can, trying to be the best I can be, asking God for guidance and thanking Him for providing me a life full of excellent examples.

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"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending"
Maria Robinson