...& she's at it again

I'm a mama's girl by default but I know deep down I was born to be a daddy's girl...how else could I have perfected the pout? Too sad there's no one on which to unleash the power of the pout lol.

Anyhoo - I only blog this to say: OMG father's day came and went and I did nothing much. Well, nothing actually. I realize I don't like fathers day. Or mothers day. I pretend to because I love my parents, the wonderful people who raised me. I love all moms actually, and some aunts, and cousins, and dads, and ESPECIALLY grandparents. I just think I'm over the concept of all these darn holidays...as each approaches I just think about them and roll my eyes. Overrated. Is this cynicism? If so, please, save me from myself.

I do have a saving grace - I still like birthdays :)

sweet sundays: confession is good for the soul

Sometimes I am embarrassed to say or do things because they aren't popular or aren't the most positive. No more. Life is too short to waste it being insincere. I don't mean you should be rude. Never. I just mean, you have to be true to yourself. I think Oprah says something like that. Live your own truth.

Some of my confessions? Read at your own risk.

1. Blood is not always thicker than water. I don't care what your chemistry teacher said. I've experienced it, so I know it. Sometimes people related to you can be the most poisonous. Give them wide berth.

2. Being cool among "friends" is overrated. I have always been the old fogie among my friends. I relish that. Boring to you, yes, but interesting to someone else. Be you. It is essential.

3. Know-it-alls irritate me. If everything you say and believe is correct, go write a book. I love a good debate or conversation but I don't want to be lectured. I already get that at school.

4. Everyone isn't perfect. I sometimes have too many expectations of people & myself. I have my faults: miserable, opinionated, and sensitive, yes. But I'm also friendly, honest, and kind. Give yourself and everyone else a break, Shumpy!

5. I laugh at people (& often these are inappropriate times to laugh). Yes. Especially when they've been mean and karma is biting back. Or even if they are just having a bad time at it LOL. I don't laugh at kids. Well, to their faces.

6. I abhor weirdness and weird people to the point that I don't care if I'm rude, I don't want to talk to you, see you, or be near you if you're weird. Yup, it is the plague.

7. I love the handful of friends I have like they were sisters of my own heart. Sometimes I downplay the depth of our friendship but that's me being stupid (insert miserable Shumpy here) and fearful of being hurt (insert sensitive Shumpy here). I value them and love them dearly. The handful of them. I've been blessed.

8. I give off the impression that I'm a cool, calm, and collected gal but I'm quite emotional and can be touchy (ask those who've lived with me for any period in time). I also have a stunted range of emotions. Very limited. If you step on the wrong toe, one of three things will occur: cold silence, anger, or tears. Take your pick.

9. People who feel entitled. Not entitled to fair and decent treatment. Entitled to other people kissing their arse and bending over backwards for them. Ewww. No. Me no likey. Those people can take their entitlement and stuff it.

10. I hate bubble busters. Dream killers. This world is dark enough without them. They start talking and I tune out. I belong to team YES I CAN. If you have heart, will power, and God. Yes, you can!

& bonus: I watch to stupidest, most brainless crap on TV sometimes. It's a wonder I have any brain cells left (think Bridezillas (WE TV), Cut Off (VH1) and Real Housewives (BRAVO)).

Feel much lighter now. Wonder if that'll translate into pounds for my summer challenge....your turn to unload!

*Now that you know me (& that I may at one point have laughed at you as you tripped or wobbled in the heels you know weren't made for walking hahaha), you can choose to hang around on polkadots at your own risk ;)

Where am I?

Did you see the US/England match up? Germany's massacre of the poor Aussies? DID YOU SEE TSHABALALA'S GOAL FOR RSC? What a beaut! Anyhoo...catch unnu likkle later

Howard Drive Chronicles Part IV

IT IS OVER! After 2 letters to management, and numerous phone calls, freedom. What is freedom? A bigger kitchen & sun room & a tension free, quiet night (one of many).

I should update the last chronicle by saying, the I owe her thing didn't last long...she was back to yelling, slamming, banging, and carrying on in short time. Not necessarily at me (she isn't particular). How wild can one person be? Especially one with a young, impressionable child. I guess this is how people like my neighbor are raised...by crass, angry, poisonous people. The cycle continues. Hog & goat indeed. I leave her to people with time and energy to waste. I'm trying to do so many things right now, I don't have the time or energy.

Sorry to say this is the end of this saga. That's the one sad thing. Let's see if I get anymore entertainment. If so, I promise to share.

Celebrations & Fun for Memorial Day 2010

This Memorial Day holiday we traveled into 4 different states, drove for over 13 hours, and had FUN. To kick off the weekend, there was Ren's graduation from law school in Washington, D.C. (state #1) on Friday morning. I couldn't be more proud of her. She's done really admirable things with her time at law school - really expanded her horizons and developed as a person. I have barely managed to keep up, experiencing different countries and cultures through her eyes has been fantastic. We had nyammings in Virginia (state #2)...great food, hilarious convo, and nice chill time.

"I hope your dreams take you...to the corners of your smile, to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities, and to the most special places your heart has ever known."

Saturday we hung out with Ren's fam by the pool & had a ball. Tons of fun times...Ren & I slept and others had a ball in the water (this would be in MD, state #3). Then we were back in the tri-state area where I celebrated my friend's mom's 50th birthday on a Spirit of NJ dinner cruise. I had always wanted to go on one of these. It was nice but I realize my constitution doesn't love being on a boat on open water. I don't know about any future cruise plans I may make...anyhoo, I did get to view some NY landmarks. After living on this side of the US for a decade I still haven't experienced any of these. I guess I'm only a good tourist when I'm traveling (does NJ count? I think not, but NY can be state #4).

Lady Liberty

Ellis Island

Brooklyn Bridge

Then, as with all summer weekends, it ended off with soccer and a visit to see family (and be fed). The actual holiday (Memorial Day) was spent in bed watching movies/TV and catching up on sleep. Had a mango ice cream cone, snuggled in bed, unpacked a bit...quite the mellow holiday.

The end of May marks the end of my May weight challenge. Do I have to state after all the eating this weekend that I lost nothing? At least I didn't gain...anyhoo, the May challenge has become the summer challenge.

Jamaica bleeds for our "war on drugs"

The chaos in Kingston is symptomatic of the failure of US-led cocaine prohibition. This tragic violence must force a rethink

The tragedy unfolding in Jamaica is symptomatic of a wider crisis of organised crime, armed violence and political corruption caused by a failed "war on drugs". The tangled political and economic roots of the problem run very deep.

Caribbean nations were born from the violence of chattel slavery and rebellion, colonial domination and the struggle for liberation and self-determination. The postcolonial flight of capital and structural readjustment have been compounded by the end of transatlantic trade agreements that have led to the collapse of the region's agricultural economic base. High levels of unemployment and extreme marginality have been the result for many communities.

By accident of geography, the Caribbean islands sit uncomfortably between the Andean coca producers and the cocaine consumers of North America and Europe. Although the Caribbean routes account for only a small proportion of the cocaine traffic (estimated by the UN to be worth as much as $125bn), the islands' physical location, unprotectable coastlines and transport links to the metropolitan centres of North America and Europe make them an ideal jumping-off point for the traffickers.

The "war on drugs" was supposed to destroy coca production, stifle trafficking and eliminate cocaine use in the US and beyond. It has achieved none of these things. Instead, supply and demand are resilient, and so the "harsh medicine" of drug prohibition has created a lucrative clandestine market with entirely predictable iatrogenic side-effects of political corruption and armed violence. The collateral damage is all too evident across the region – most obviously in Jamaica, but also in Trinidad, Guyana and many other places on the Caribbean rim that have seen gunshot murders escalate to levels equivalent to a bloody civil war.

Jamaica's problems are particularly acute. Political violence can be traced back to the 1940s at least, and escalated at key moments throughout the 20th century, most notably during the 1980 election when guns were funnelled into the island from the US – allegedly by the CIA – to arm the leaders of the "garrison communities".

In the poorest Kingston constituencies, the two main political parties – the Jamaica Labour party and the People's National Party – continue to vie for power, with more than 90% of voters turning out for one or other of the parties. Local politicians and the "dons" exert control but also inspire loyalty among their constituents. In the past, the dons worked as enforcers for the politicians, but they have now accumulated an independent economic power base from drug- and gun-running, protection rackets and corrupt government contracts.

The attempt to extradite Christopher "Dudus" Coke to the US to face trafficking charges has turned from farce to tragedy. At first, the government, led by JLP Prime Minister Bruce Golding, prevaricated, no doubt mindful of Coke's connections to the party and his ability to deliver votes, but also the power of a man whom many people think of as a godfather who can deliver security and other goods. Bowing to both domestic and external political pressure, the government's attempt to execute the arrest warrant has so far left at least 44 people dead – without delivering Coke.

Sadly, loss of life at the hands of the authorities is far from rare. Last year, the Jamaican police killed more than 250 people – deaths denounced by human rights groups as extrajudicial executions.

In the short term, there is an obvious need for the authorities to work to restore peace to the affected neighbourhoods. This is going to require fortitude, but also restraint. Preservation of life and the minimal use of force in pursuit of peace and safety should be the guiding ethos, even while the situation remains volatile. Too many lives have been lost already and the danger of escalation is clear and present.

The challenge for the Jamaican people, after that, is to understand the roots of political corruption and armed violence and seek ways to disentangle organised crime from politics, business, the state and civil society more generally. Removing guns and corruption from the body politic is not going to be easy and cannot be achieved by military firepower: war on the streets of Kingston is the problem, not the solution. It will require a peace process akin to the Northern Ireland experience, perhaps with truth and reconciliation, and certainly with some means to decommission weapons and demobilise the young men in corner crews who define themselves as "soldiers" fighting on the front line of garrison communities.

There is a wider challenge facing the region and the international community. The "war on drugs" has not only failed, but positively promotes corruption and armed violence – not only in the Caribbean, but also across Central and South America, West Africa and in the inner cities of Europe and North America.

Could the tragic loss of life in Jamaica bring the world to its senses? People are sick of warfare. We should instead direct resources to building a lasting peace.

The Guardian

Ben Bowling

If I keep this in, it will poison me...

I am not quite sure if I have the appropriate words but if I say nothing, I fear all the angst I have trapped in my heart and mind will poison me. Now, I'm no politics and public affairs guru but I am a born and raised Jamaican and there are certain indisputable truths re: the situation currently taking place in my island home. I'm not even going to get too specific because I don't even think the issue is related to the situation currently taking place...it is a result of a culture of denial and stigma that has existed in my island home for as long as I have been alive (and certainly, before).

I am angry at us. Me, you, all Jamaicans. The Jamaican citizenry. I mean, how long have we lived with, ignored, sometimes benefited, or suffered at the hands of corruption on the island? I know only too well that when reported, the victims are ignored or silenced. However, what if by some miracle, literal and definitely spiritual (because only GOD can help), we all decide to say NO. Regardless of the outcome. No to the shady cops. No the extortionists. No to the slippery slimy politicians. No to the connection to help you get off from paying some fee/tax/fine/ticket. JUST #$%! NO. What if? What if we stop frickin' inheriting our political alliances? What if? This is not damn sports day. This is our future.

When I hear of the Jamaica of my parents and realize the damage that can occur in just one generation, I could weep. As a babe, I still had the opportunity to experience the well advanced rail transport system. My parents can talk of the number of well-equipped hospitals/health care facilities, the excellent tradition our small island had in academic, athletic, and cultural achievement (& to a lesser degree we still do due to blessings I tell you and not because we value and support the talents we've been entrusted with). Not to mention the richness of our soil and the beauty of our island, natural and man made.

There's more in me but I am spent.

See why I have nothing to say? Because people with the power to say something and actually effect change always sit silently or feel sorry for 'those people' in times of war but when everything quiet down, do nothing. Because we aren't being shot at, because we survived another flare up, and of course there's Hawkeye/Kings Alarm/gated communities/friends in high places to protect us. No one is piling bodies of our family and friends feet high because none of us have to live in or loot in or fight in/against or die in the ghetto. So, when it is all over, we go back to work and play, and the struggle continues in the rural and urban ghettos of Jamaica. More children. More frustration. More injustice. More poverty. More sickness. More starvation. More death. More sadness. More anger. Less opportunity. Less education. Less self worth. Less value.