My drug of choice...

grape nut ice cream.

Yes, it is one of those days.

In an effort to keep this a fairly happy place, I purposely have no outright sad/angry labels. As I searched for a "I can't be bothered with this, I want my mommy" label, I realized I didn't have one. I think I made sure I had no negative labels because I refuse to have any of that around me. Not even in myself. Absolutely will not accept it. Yes, I'm not feeling too great today but I am not physically sick, I have great family, & a wonderful God. What do they say? Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning. Well, some morning lol.

BLESSED IS THE (WO)MAN WHOSE TRUST & CONFIDENCE IS IN THE LORD

Jeremiah 17:7

sweet sundays: God is in control

As great as life is (& mine really is, thank Jesus), it just isn't always perfect. There are bumps and and sometimes mountains along the way. Sometimes it is easier to give up and throw in the towel when things aren't panning out as I expect. This is when I turn to God. After all He is in charge. He is directing my life.

If I'm not the only person with a seemingly impassable mountain, then maybe these words can encourage you (as I encourage myself).

Looking up from the bottom

It seems like a long way to go

The mountain's dark and steeo

The climbing is oh so slow

Your body aches

You're out of breath

Your're ready to give in

But don't give up

You've got the strength

To make it to the end

You can pour on the power (mighty power)

And pull that mountain down

You can pour on the power (mighty power)

And claim that higher ground

You may think you're at a wall

But it's just a door, that's all

'Cause you ain't seen nothing

Until you pour on the power

excerpt from the Lyrics of Pour on the Power (sung by Sandi Patty)

I am getting on my knees...I'll be praying hard and leaving it all in God's hands. That way, whatever comes, it will be his will. I hope you can do the same. Accept the peace of mind and comfort that will come from casting all your cares on Him who cares best for you.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

If I keep this in, it will poison me...

I am not quite sure if I have the appropriate words but if I say nothing, I fear all the angst I have trapped in my heart and mind will poison me. Now, I'm no politics and public affairs guru but I am a born and raised Jamaican and there are certain indisputable truths re: the situation currently taking place in my island home. I'm not even going to get too specific because I don't even think the issue is related to the situation currently taking place...it is a result of a culture of denial and stigma that has existed in my island home for as long as I have been alive (and certainly, before).

I am angry at us. Me, you, all Jamaicans. The Jamaican citizenry. I mean, how long have we lived with, ignored, sometimes benefited, or suffered at the hands of corruption on the island? I know only too well that when reported, the victims are ignored or silenced. However, what if by some miracle, literal and definitely spiritual (because only GOD can help), we all decide to say NO. Regardless of the outcome. No to the shady cops. No the extortionists. No to the slippery slimy politicians. No to the connection to help you get off from paying some fee/tax/fine/ticket. JUST #$%! NO. What if? What if we stop frickin' inheriting our political alliances? What if? This is not damn sports day. This is our future.

When I hear of the Jamaica of my parents and realize the damage that can occur in just one generation, I could weep. As a babe, I still had the opportunity to experience the well advanced rail transport system. My parents can talk of the number of well-equipped hospitals/health care facilities, the excellent tradition our small island had in academic, athletic, and cultural achievement (& to a lesser degree we still do due to blessings I tell you and not because we value and support the talents we've been entrusted with). Not to mention the richness of our soil and the beauty of our island, natural and man made.

There's more in me but I am spent.

See why I have nothing to say? Because people with the power to say something and actually effect change always sit silently or feel sorry for 'those people' in times of war but when everything quiet down, do nothing. Because we aren't being shot at, because we survived another flare up, and of course there's Hawkeye/Kings Alarm/gated communities/friends in high places to protect us. No one is piling bodies of our family and friends feet high because none of us have to live in or loot in or fight in/against or die in the ghetto. So, when it is all over, we go back to work and play, and the struggle continues in the rural and urban ghettos of Jamaica. More children. More frustration. More injustice. More poverty. More sickness. More starvation. More death. More sadness. More anger. Less opportunity. Less education. Less self worth. Less value.

word love: hymn

God be in my head, and in my understanding;

God be in mine eyes, and in my looking;

God be in my mouth, and in my speaking;

God be in my heart, and in my thinking;

God be at mine end, and at my departing.

-Sarum Primer, 1558

I love hymns. They are a comfort to me, and this week has been crazy here in my homeland (#1, #2, #3, and #4), and in the land of my birth (#1 , #2, #3, and #4)...don't get me started. People are sick. This world is twisted, sad, & unsafe. So I take a deep breath and just regroup.

word love: divine strength

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31, KJV

sweet sundays: having faith

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

That is something I used to recite almost weekly at my home church. I thought I knew what faith was. Believing in God, an essence, a being I could not see. I mean, of course that is a part of having faith. But as I grew older and life seemed to slip more and more out of my control, I learned the true essence of faith. I learned that to have faith is to believe there is a divine plan for my life and that God was in charge of it, not me. The less of life we can control, the more of it we have to place in the hands of our Father.

Friends, family, and loved ones have disappointed me, I have times of self-doubt, and even the everyday motions of life sometimes are hard to handle. It is at these times in my life I see human limitations and God's amazing ability. I never knew I'd be one of those persons who could testify that I literally did not know how I'd survive the week or day, or a difficult life situation, but I learned to let go and I'm here aren't I? It is truly amazing what God can do and what he can take you through! Life's still not quite a walk in the park but I continue to rely on His plan for my life and worry no more.

I encourage you to leave the situations that distress you the most in God's hands, knowing that He will take care of you. I don't guarantee it'll be an answer you'll love, but I do guarantee that if you stick with Him, whatever He has in store for you will only make your life better. He knows what's best for you!

Sweet sundays will not always have a religious topic (but there's nothing sweeter than my daily decision to make Jesus my choice!)

I got a testimony!

Yesterday I tried to complete my tuition exemption form online to have my classes paid for and in place of the form I saw a message saying I was no longer eligible for tuition exemption.

::heart hits floor::

So I call the number that's included in the message with bated breath. The lady who came on explained that my employer is no longer offering tuition exemption to my particular type of staff. So new hires get none, and persons starting programs in 2010 get none either. Since I started last year, I have to just take a few extra steps (the annoyance I will certainly tolerate) and I'll have my tuition covered. Now, I have to get a letter stating I began my degree program in 2009 and bring it to another part of the organization to be allowed to fill out a form and have it signed. I have made the request for that letter and I'm hoping to be able to pick it up on Monday.

I am oh, so grateful for this! I would have had to quit/take a leave of absence or quite a bit of loans to complete the program BUT thank God I don't!

________________________

"...blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him."
Jeremiah 17:7

Sunsets...

...particularly on Fridays